Language learning is like falling in love

Here is the podcast

This evening I have to give a short talk in Japanese to about 30 members of the Japan-Canada Chamber of Commerce. I am a Director of this Chamber, which consists mostly of recent Japanese immigrants to Canada who are involved in their own businesses here. Here is what I intend to say in Japanese.

Language learning is like falling in love. In fact you have to be in love to learn a language well. I mean in love with the language. You have to have a love affair with the language. You do not have to marry the language. You can have an affair and then move on to another language after a period of time. But while you are learning the language you have to be in love with it. And you will learn faster if you are faithful to the language while you are studying it.

 

Just as when you are in love, you want to and need to spend as much time as possible with the object of your love. You want to hear its voice and read its thoughts. You want to learn more about it, the many words and phrases that it uses to express itself. You think of the language wherever you are. You start to observe the object of your love closely. You notice all the little things it does, you become familiar with its peculiar behaviour patterns. You breathe it. You hear its voice. You feel it. You get to know it better and better, naturally.

 

Just as in a love affair, there are things about the object of your love that you do not like. You ignore these. You only think about the things that you love.  You do not question the object of your love. You just accept it. You do not ask why. You do not ask why it behaves a certain way. You do not seek to understand the secrets to its structure. You just want to be with it, and even to imitate it, the highest form of appreciation.

 

Loving a language is a one-sided love affair. You love the language. It does not love you back. But the good thing is that it is not jealous of you, of your other previous love affairs. It really does not care if you carry on another love affair at the same time. But, as with people, doing so can create problems…..The language does not criticize you. You can use it however you want, as long as you enjoy yourself.

 

You are not jealous of other people who love the language you love. In fact you like to meet people who love the language you love. It is a lot less bothersome to love a language than to love a person, Because the love of the language is its own reward. You do not care what the language thinks of you. You are enjoying your affair with the language and do not expect anything in return. As long as you have that relationship, you will learn and improve in the language.

 

If you just use a language without loving it, you will not improve. If the goal is only to get a better job, or to pass a test, you will not improve. People are the same way. You cannot have a love affair with someone just to get a better job, although……….

 

This has been my approach. So when I learn a language I spend most of my initial time just listening and reading and building up my words and phrases. I just want to get to know the language, enjoy its personality and get used to it. I do not want anyone to question me, or explain my love to me. I do not want to speak in the language before I have really gotten to know the language, because I know that I will not do justice to my love. I only speak in the language when I want to, when I am ready.

 

I practice what is known as the "silent period" approach to language learning. Right now I am learning Russian and have been doing so for one year. I read and listen to many different kinds of content, including simple stories, podcasts and Tolstoy. I love it. I do not yet speak Russian. I could if I wanted to. I have been using the latest version of our language learning system, LingQ, which enables people to learn any language they want.

If any of you are interested in having a love affair with a language, send me an email. I will give you one month free use of our language learning system, or should I say language loving system. You can also pick up a copy of my book, The Linguist, at the back or here.

Comments

[Chris]

A lot of your blogs recently have been making me wonder whether I should continue with or drop Chinese, and go solo.

Going to have to think about this.

[mariama]

Hi Steve,

I read your blog a lot for inspiration as I continue with my French and Mandarin. I love your idea of learning language as a love affair. I try to apply your methods to language learning to my studies of these languages. I try to remember that I am learning for fun because I like it and remove external pressure. In that way, I feel like I learn best. I'm very interested in your LINQ system. I have signed up for LINQ but haven't recieved any information yet. When are you going to launch? I can't wait to learn Spanish/ or Portuguese or Japanese.
Mariama

[Roni]

It sounds a little like over romanticising to me, but I can understand what you mean. I have heard language learning described similarly before by Barry Farber in his book, discussing how he married Hungarian.

There is one thing, however, in what you said that struck me. It relates to what appears to be your primary philosophy about language learning.

I may not be relaying it correctly, but you always say that language learning should be fun, interesting etc., we should read and listen to things that we enjoy, which I never doubt. This, for me, feels like an approach that attempts to get at the very core substance of the target language, just the meanings, sounds etc. that it contains - never looking too analytically, trying to formalise or indeed learn grammatical rules that obscure true understanding and motivation.

This being understood, it seems to me that the language becomes only a vehicle for understanding our texts and audios of interesting content, rather than the object of study, the finger pointing at the Moon, but of course not the Moon itself. By this analogy we could described as using the Moon to study pointing. If you make sense of this analogy, I could say that you fall in love with the finger.

Is that so?

[Roni]

Also, 'language loving system' is cheesy as hell!

[Ilya]

My comment is a reaction to the two comments posted by Rony. No one would seriously doubt that language is indeed a vehicle for understanding texts and audios, and ultimately the cultures of other nations. Steve has never stated that language is only this, and that it cannot be an “object of study”, as Rony put it. Among what Steve says is, in my opinion, the following observation:

An experience of a person who has mastered 9+ languages differs from the experience of language teachers who have mastered one to none foreign languages. An experience of the person who has mastered 9+ languages shows that focus on grammar is counterproductive for those who studies a new language. (Not for those who knows the language and researches it as an object of study). And many other useful observations, as to what is productive and what is less productive.

This includes the sad observation, that traditional and commonly accepted methods of learning new languages are dominated by the wisdom of language teachers who have mastered one to none foreign languages.

The last paragraph of the first Rony’s comment, and especially his short second comment seems like written by another person. The first Rony was argumentative and objective. The second Rony is offensive but not argumentative. It may be true that the Linguist and the LingQ have shortcomings. The two systems are under development. Don’t like them – don’t use them. But let us be polite. Sorry if my English resulted in misunderstanding of your last comment, Rony.

[Steve Kaufmann]

Let's just say that Roni completely lost me with his finger pointing at the moon analogy. With language the medium is the message. The sounds, the intonation, the way words are used, their associations with other words and with emotions and concepts, and with whole cultures, every language is all of this and more. If it were only the meaning, translations would do. I just do not follow the finger analogy.

Cheesy is in the eye of the beholder.

[Mitch]

I personally agree that it greatly helps to fall in love with a language to learn it well. But I think that motivation--regardless of the source--is ultimately what counts. As I blogged elswhere: There have been prisoners-of-war who have learned the language of their captors well enough to function after escape--they hardly loved the language or the culture. And we've seen terrorists learn the language of cultures that they hate and want to destroy.

[Steve Kaufmann]

Mitch,

You do not know that the prisoners or terrorists did not love the language they were learning. You do not have to love all aspects of a culture in order to appreciate its language. And as they say in French, "l'appetit vient en mangeant."

[Roni]

I'm sorry I lost you both, Steve and Ilya. I was a bit confused as to why Ilya thought my comment was offensive. So I reread it and realised that my 'falling in love with the finger' might have been misinterpreted. I was honestly ONLY talking about the INDEX finger.

I can understand what you mean about 'two different people', but the first was a comment about Mr. Kaufmann's analogy and the second was just a comment on the nickname he gave LingQ. I don't think you can deny that 'language loving system' is not corny. I did not intend to insult this language learning system and I apologise if anyone took it as offensive. The only real problem I with LingQ that I have is that I can't use it yet. I'm still waiting patiently and look forward to using it when I get the chance.

I'll explain the Moon thing. There is a saying, Buddhist I believe, that Buddha is like a finger pointing to the Moon. If one concentrates only on the finger, one misses the Moon and all it's glory. This can also be understood to show the emptiness of words, only arbitrarily pointing to meanings, concepts, emotions and so on. With this in mind, studying only, grammar, vocabulary sets etc. devoid of any context, i.e. without any text or audio in the case of LingQ, is meaningless. So, if I might be so bold as to use your use of Tolstoy to study Russian as an example, Steve, I was trying to understand from what angle you think about your study. I was essentially asking you (perhaps in a round about way) if Tolstoy is the reason you study Russian, or is Russian the reason you read/listen to Tolstoy.

I think I see what you mean by saying: 'With language the medium is the message'. Enjoyable texts/audios are your 'finger', if I've managed to make myself any clearer.

[ilya]

Hi Roni,

I have indeed misinterpreted your phrase:
“Also, 'language loving system' is cheesy as hell!”
I indeed thought you had used the system and expressed your negative feeling to it. Sorry.

Since it’s a language learning forum, may ask you if the phrase:
“Also the language loving system is cheesy as hell” – is already a bit closer in its meaning to that one has used but disliked the system? I have added the definite article to and removed the quotes marks from your original phase . (Steve might not like me using this phrase for language leaning, but I made a mistake in it).

We have neither definite nor indefinite articles in my language. Many Russians would probably interpret your phrase, at least in its context, as if you were ironically pointing at the system, not at its nickname.

Just a week ago, there was an English-article accident at my wife’s work in Toronto. At her work, all the employees are native Russian woman but the boss is a Canadian man. The boss wrote a positive reference letter to help one of the girls, who had volunteered in the office, to get a job in another place . The boss wrote something like: “Mrs. X joined our team with little difficulty”. My wife is the most experienced employee there . She was allowed to glance at the letter and considered “joined with little difficulty “ as a negative characteristic. She told about the phrase to the other woman, and they decided the phrase meant the girl had a difficulty to join the team. My wife started fighting for the girl. The boss was laughing and explaining the difference between “with little difficulty” and “with a little difficulty”. Still the woman felt uncomfortable until the phrase “with little difficulty” was completely crossed out of the letter. My wife knows English better than me.

A funny story happened with me, which has to do with falling in love with finger, Hemingway and my language learning.What language(s) do you learn, Roni? Do you use Skype? My skype Name is ilayaLady. I I would be glad if you call me.

[Ilya]

Sorry, I have even made a mistake in my Skype name. The correct is ilyaLady.

[Art]

> who had volunteered in the office, to get a job in another place

_That_ sucks.

That girl should move to the US. There is no such practice as work for free for a reference to get a paid job in other place.

[Roni]

Wow, that's very interesting. I've never known an "English-article-accident" before. In Japan, they don't have articles and many of the students I teach have _A_ little difficulty in using them but I have never seen the omission of one affect the meaning so much.

As for the languages I learn, at the moment I'm primarily learning Japanese, a little Mandarin and sometimes Spanish. I sometimes dabble in others but as Steve says, it's best to stay faithful. I have Skype and would be happy to call you. I live in Japan so I don't know what time would be convenient for you in Canada.

[Ilya]

Roni,

It must be interesting to teach English, learn Japanese and visit Japan at the same time. Japan is now 13 hours ahead of Toronto time, according to the Internet. Please skype me either between your 8-9 am or your 8-9 pm, if you can. Thank you - I look forward to talking to you.

[Denis]

Замечательная заметка... Часто читаю ваш блог. Но это особенно понравилось... Спасибо.

Right now I am falling in love with Chinese, and English languages. :)

[Learn Chinese Now]

There are some free Chinese lessons designed by CCTV (China Central TV) on Learn Chinese.

[Teeya Door]

I think tones of mandarin pronunciation is the most difficult part for me. My teacher in Beijing Chinese School spent about 1 week explaining to me. After almost 2 months, I finally can pronounce correctly many words. To learn Chinese and mandarin, grammar is so easy. I always watch CLTV to practice listening and practice oral Chinese with volunteers on Voice Connecting China. I Love Chinese is also a good magazine to learn Chinese culture.

[xiaoliu]

Your claims that learning language is like a loving affairs is something true. Only putting all your energeis withoug asking why can make you learning fast

[Maite]

Farber says the same thing, but I think it's dangerous to use the "affair" terminology.

[Lily]

I have just discovered LingQ and your blog and finding it absolutely fascinating reading. I fell in love with Portuguese (and Portugal) 2 years ago. I spent one year stumbling in the dark on how to learn a language before starting a night school course but all the way through my love and passion has carried me through. I want to hear this beautiful language constantly. I cannot get enough of it. I watch Portuguese television online, listen to Portuguese radio, constantly talk to myself in Portuguese and yes, even dream in Portuguese :-) Whilst I am still slow to speak I can understand a great deal that is written and a lot that is spoken. I have days when I'm frustrated by what I don't know and others where I delight at just how much I have learned. Every moment of understanding is an inspiration. It's a fabulous journey.

[Steve]

Lily,

Welcome to LingQ. How did you find out about it? I hope you do not find it too complicated. We are working to make it better. We are slowly adding content, both from Brazil and Portugal.

Do not hesitate to ask questions here or on the LingQ Forum. I think Susana is also available for tutoring and help in the language.

Steve

[Steve]

I had a look at the sparkcharts. I would definitely not use these for language learning. I much prefer to spend my time with the language, not abstracts or potential shortcuts. I do not connect to this information and it does not help me to absorb the language, learn vocabulary, or get a better feel, not for understanding and not for expressing myself.

Similar summary information is available in many dictionaries.

[Lily]

Hi Steve and thanks for the welcome. If I remember correctly I think I saw a link to lingQ in Google news. I have news items sent everyday for the search terms 'foreign language', 'Lisbon' and 'Portugal'.
I haven't found LingQ complicated - just different. I did start looking for translation of the exercises but couldn't find them aside from your book. I wondered if this was because you are encouraging us to find out own meanings - like as a child nothing is translated for us, we eventually understand the meaning?
Anyway - I have decided to listen and read your book in Portuguese and see how far I get and only refer to the English text if I really need to.

[heydar]

hi
I woulde like to use youe free month lesson
if it posseible please send it to me by this mail
thanks

[Ali Haydar]

I believe that language learning system, which we get used to in schools, is not adequate. I have known sth. about this kind of methods and I've always thought that there is not a better way of learning a language.In addition, when we observe the way in which children learn their own languages directly, it becomes inevitable to refuse the advantages of this method.
Thanks to the establishers of this website...

[Arzoo]

Great Article. I would like to use your free month course. give me some tips too. i want to improve my English speaking skill

[Lino Tapia]

I have just read your article and it seems to be very interesting and everything you say it´s true
thanks a lot for sharing your experience and I congratulate you very much
thanks again for everything and god bless you!
Lino Tapia Avalos
Mexico

[shahida sultana]

this is shahida, i have wrotten it from bangladesh, i believe that each and every person should love their own language , as we are going on th e global arena so its must be need to know the english language.if we go to the deeper side it seems to be a pleasant . effortless english english learning systems give us the window of learning method.

[Omenga A. Kormoh]

I have interest in learning language to perfection. Please continue to send documents or articles for me.

[Xianzhe Lin]

Can I buy your books using my check?

[Xianzhe Lin]

Can I buy your books using my check?

[Xianzhe Lin]

Can I buy your books by using my check?

[Xianzhe Lin]

Can I buy your books with CD by using my check?

[Steve Kaufmann]

Xianzhe,

If you want the English version just join LingQ and download the text and the audio free of charge from the LingQ library. Otherwise we could accept a check for the English version. The Chinese version was published by 中华书局 and may still be available in China.

[Oleg]

Gentlemen, with reference to the story told by Roni (?) on June 01, 2007, i.e. this rather old entry, that I have just read...pls scroll it up...the "an-article accident story"...
well, would any of the respected native speakers of English explain it to me, please - I still think, that the phrase “Mrs. X joined our team with little difficulty” HAS some subtle negative shade, actually meaning THERE WAS SOME DIFFICULTY in the process of Mrs X's joining the team....and a completely positive phrase would have been something like "Mrs X has (practically) NO difficulty joining the team" or "joined the team smoothly...." Please comment, what d'you think-?

[shahbakhti]

Dear friend
thank you for your kind teaching and hope to be in the hight level of learning with your valuable supports.
i would like to have an love affair with English and i am sure i can over come with you courtesy.
best Regards
Shahabkhti

[Igor Efremov]

Ha haaaaa! I love this article! Great philosophy!

[joanne]

hello.... i am interested in having a love affair with a language 1 month free...thanks!

[Silvia]

I live in Chile and I am learning English .I am very interested in to learn this language..for one month free.
Thanks!!

[fariba]

i live in america and iam interetes in to learn this languge ,for one month free.

thanks

[fariba]

iam interest in this language for one month free

[Steve Kaufmann]

Anyone can go to LingQ.com and register free of charge and start learning.

[jack wang]

Thank your remind!I know a lot!

[mayan molina]

Yes I'm interested to learn your language system and to get a free 1 month subscription from you.

[thinthinmar]

Hi. AJ

Glad to see your message. it was very good for me.

Thank a lot and have a good day.

[Júnior]

Hi Steve Kaufman,
I would like to have a love affair with a language through your language learning system for free.
Thank and all the best!!!

[S A Ghumidh]

Hi Steve
will, you look a great lover. I wish to be like you. could you help me to be one of the English language lovers. I do like to learn but, usulerss, up to now

[Steve Kaufmann]

As I have said many times. Please go to LingQ.com, and sign up and use the site free of charge.

[Kiki]

You are right, learning languages are interesting. But i have weakness to learn some languages. I know that you can some languages about 10, am i right? At this time i try to learn Japanese. I know only a little, but i don't know exactly how to make sentence in past and other tensis. Would you tell me the way how to learn some languages easily? you told us that we must love the languages so we will feel curious to get more. Do you have something free i can get for easy learn some languages? can i get your offering one month free use of our language learning system? I'm Indonesian, i really interest with some languages, among of them English and Japanese. I am better in English but i am very poor in Japanese.

[Hemat]

Dear Sirs
Your teaching system and any email about learning language is very very valuable, I love it too much and since I acquainted with your free English teaching system for last 7 months, I have really learned a lot.I love learning english, I spend most of my time and want to be one of the fluent and attractive english speaker/writer not only for job or interview but want to be like a native English speaker.I would like to get your (one month free use of your language learning system or language loving system)if you kindly post it to me, it would be highly appreciated.
Best regards,